Today
Another rainy day off keeps in inside to reflect and write-something I haven't done on here in a while. Today, I've been thinking a lot about where I am in my life and my self worth, and maybe how the two are linked. So, I'm halfway through my 43rd year of life and in the last couple of months, I've been keenly aware that I'm getting older. Not just physical things but, mental, emotional changes too and how I may be perceived/treated. In other words, its hit me-I'm an older woman! So this is what it's like eh? I'm still coming to acceptance with it, but, its good.
Over the last couple of months, some changes have occurred, I've let go of quite a lot, which for me, isn't easy, especially when it comes to people. I tend to hold on to people that no longer value me or my friendship, (if they ever did at all) and I finally realized, I no longer want the pain of that. It's exhausting and spirit killing. I'm on my own unique path and I can't be stuck in a pit of pain, so.....I heaved myself up and out and waved goodbye and it felt great! My strength has come back, somewhat, and my heart has only become softer. I'm now more keenly aware of who to let into the house that is ME and who to let in. But, it hasn't closed me off either, I guess my discretion is more focused is my point. Another thing is that I'm embracing my weirder parts and revealing them to people outside of my wonderful circle. I confess, I once cared deeply what others thought of me, or if they 'liked' me. You may be thinking, well of course you shouldn't care, but, for me was easier said than done and I operated that way for years! Again, I had to realize this on my own, that the pain isn't worth losing myself over.
In all of this letting go, I rediscovered parts of me that lay buried under all that worry, and to my joy, they still fit into today's me. Oh, there are still many moments where I still fret over others' thoughts of me, but it's now easier to shrug aside and get on with things. The pain is simply not worth it. And as long as I remember that, putting one foot in front of the other on this path of mine (mine, yay!) will make it more worthwhile. One of the great perks of being 43, is that there's experience to draw from but, there's still plenty to learn and be open to. There's flex and flow between what I already know works for me and my journey but, when life throws some surprises, I don't stay down for long. Another thing is that I don't have everything figured out (thank goodness!) and I don't have myself figured out, and that's fine! Not everything has to be perfect, curated, scrubbed and edited- I used to think that- nor should it be. Being an older woman means embracing all that is not perfect. It means embracing ME. It means being proud, challenging, engaging, surprising, being tender and (gulp) loving with who I've become thus far, and taking this one day at a time. I recently was shared a quote that I'll gladly share here:
" No one is you, and that is your power." Whoa! It's become a daily reminder. Even on those days when all I seem to do is mess it up, those days when I let that old pain creep in too far, I breathe and remember: No one is me, and that is my power. No one is you, and that is your power.
Thank you reading, and for being you!
Over the last couple of months, some changes have occurred, I've let go of quite a lot, which for me, isn't easy, especially when it comes to people. I tend to hold on to people that no longer value me or my friendship, (if they ever did at all) and I finally realized, I no longer want the pain of that. It's exhausting and spirit killing. I'm on my own unique path and I can't be stuck in a pit of pain, so.....I heaved myself up and out and waved goodbye and it felt great! My strength has come back, somewhat, and my heart has only become softer. I'm now more keenly aware of who to let into the house that is ME and who to let in. But, it hasn't closed me off either, I guess my discretion is more focused is my point. Another thing is that I'm embracing my weirder parts and revealing them to people outside of my wonderful circle. I confess, I once cared deeply what others thought of me, or if they 'liked' me. You may be thinking, well of course you shouldn't care, but, for me was easier said than done and I operated that way for years! Again, I had to realize this on my own, that the pain isn't worth losing myself over.
In all of this letting go, I rediscovered parts of me that lay buried under all that worry, and to my joy, they still fit into today's me. Oh, there are still many moments where I still fret over others' thoughts of me, but it's now easier to shrug aside and get on with things. The pain is simply not worth it. And as long as I remember that, putting one foot in front of the other on this path of mine (mine, yay!) will make it more worthwhile. One of the great perks of being 43, is that there's experience to draw from but, there's still plenty to learn and be open to. There's flex and flow between what I already know works for me and my journey but, when life throws some surprises, I don't stay down for long. Another thing is that I don't have everything figured out (thank goodness!) and I don't have myself figured out, and that's fine! Not everything has to be perfect, curated, scrubbed and edited- I used to think that- nor should it be. Being an older woman means embracing all that is not perfect. It means embracing ME. It means being proud, challenging, engaging, surprising, being tender and (gulp) loving with who I've become thus far, and taking this one day at a time. I recently was shared a quote that I'll gladly share here:
" No one is you, and that is your power." Whoa! It's become a daily reminder. Even on those days when all I seem to do is mess it up, those days when I let that old pain creep in too far, I breathe and remember: No one is me, and that is my power. No one is you, and that is your power.
Thank you reading, and for being you!
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