A promise made, and kept

A year, and one day ago, I participated in a great art project called 'Public Trust.' It was put on by artist Paul Ramirez Jonas and sponsored by Boston arts group Now and There (great people!). The aim was to make promises and share them publicly so that we can hold ourselves accountable, and perhaps be more vulnerable with ourselves too. Everyone who participated was given a sheet of paper with their promise on it to serve as a daily reminder. My promise was that I will promise to listen to my heart. Tall order? Difficult? Maybe.....but, I've been doing it! Seeing that piece of paper everyday tacked to my wall has shifted my focus a lot! How? Because now it's come back to me. It's all on me to keep that promise to myself, for myself. Since that day, I've done a lot of emotional unpacking, simplified/streamlined much of my life, and really learned to slow down and listen to what is going on inside me. Do I still get depressed and anxious? Absolutely. It's always there. But following my heart has restored some faith in myself. (Still working on that faith-self confidence thing) It's helped me understand who and what I'm not, what my limitations are, and to know the kind of life I truly want for myself.And when I talk about my heart, I'm really talking about my gut, my instincts. Since that day, I've reconnected to parts of myself that I thought lost. Since that day, I've become more comfortable with the uncomfortable and push myself further out of that comfort zone as often as possible-especially with regards to my photography (more on that soon!). But, since that day, I've also turned down the volume on that voice, that inner chatterbox that tries like hell to remind me that I may be unworthy, unartistic, untalented, etc etc etc.....it's still there. It's always there, but my heart knows better (it's also stronger!). Have there been times I've veered off the path? Yes!And there will be more times when I fail to follow my heart, but, having that paper tacked to my wall, reminds me, every day of what I have to gain. And what have I gained? Determination, a comfort in my own life and the pace of it, a bit of renewed confidence and less comparison, and more recently, 37 days to be exact, I've gained sobriety (more on that soon too) and haven't looked back. The road between my mind and heart is no longer dull, heavy, achy-it's clear. Am I brave for doing this? Can't really say. But, I do know that listening to my heart has been the best medicine. Not wine. Not booze. Not putting the blinders on. But, simply listening to my heart and knowing not only that it's me talking, but also that it wants nothing but what is best for me, and doing that every day.

Thank you for reading!