Foggy and Achy No More
At day 43 of being sober, I must say this past week, the fog has finally lifted. My mind feels more clear and sharp than it has in months. What made me stop drinking? My body did. For about a month before going sober, I was experiencing dull headaches every day, even after having one glass of wine. Then, one Sunday,( which was the most perfect, glorious Summer day!) I found myself in bed with a raging hangover, after imbibing in one and a half glasses of wine. I felt that my body was sending me a very strong signal to stop drinking, and I was upset at missing a beautiful day. It just didn't seem worth it to me to physically feel ill after drinking. But, Rachel, one glass is not that much! Well, you see, I'd been drinking pretty heavily for 10 months, averaging about two bottles a week, sometimes three and getting beer or cider in the mix if the week was extremely stressful.
And now we're getting to the real issue at hand. Stress and anxiety. While I wasn't drinking enough to be un functioning (is that a word?), I was feeling pretty numb, and the wine was doing very little to erase the stress (surprise!), I was still anxious, sad, dull even. I can see that now. Drinking, and depending on that as a way to relax, was only putting a huge damper on my self esteem, and only causing me to hide when I wanted to shine a bit. It was creating more self consciousness, more worry which only created more anxiety-fun times right?
What shifted? Being physically ill aside, I know that if I really wanted change and for things to move forward I had to stop doing things that created more of what I didn't want, and was hiding who I am. I grew tired of being numb, and not facing, not feeling my emotions in an appropriate way. And I grew tired of being tired! I know many people that do drink to socialize, relax, unwind, and that is fine for them. Not for me. I'm not here to judge or criticize, only to share my own experience. For me, drinking cannot be a part of my life anymore. The parts of my life that I do maintain control over need a clear head and the inner strength to face difficulties, and be joyful again-not a numb, achy mind. Over the last few weeks, I made some adjustments with stress and managing it, cut down on caffeine, and am making healthier eating a habit again. Deeper still, I've invited change, challenge, beauty, wonder and simplicity back into my life, and I'm working on not taking everything so personally. I'm working on a new photo project and taking some small steps with my business that I'm excited about, and moving forward with a couple of other things. I also find it fitting that I'm writing this as we've entered a new season! Day 43 feels very good, and I look forward to more days like this and having the knowledge that I can face stress and anxiety without relying on alcohol.
Thank you for reading!
And now we're getting to the real issue at hand. Stress and anxiety. While I wasn't drinking enough to be un functioning (is that a word?), I was feeling pretty numb, and the wine was doing very little to erase the stress (surprise!), I was still anxious, sad, dull even. I can see that now. Drinking, and depending on that as a way to relax, was only putting a huge damper on my self esteem, and only causing me to hide when I wanted to shine a bit. It was creating more self consciousness, more worry which only created more anxiety-fun times right?
What shifted? Being physically ill aside, I know that if I really wanted change and for things to move forward I had to stop doing things that created more of what I didn't want, and was hiding who I am. I grew tired of being numb, and not facing, not feeling my emotions in an appropriate way. And I grew tired of being tired! I know many people that do drink to socialize, relax, unwind, and that is fine for them. Not for me. I'm not here to judge or criticize, only to share my own experience. For me, drinking cannot be a part of my life anymore. The parts of my life that I do maintain control over need a clear head and the inner strength to face difficulties, and be joyful again-not a numb, achy mind. Over the last few weeks, I made some adjustments with stress and managing it, cut down on caffeine, and am making healthier eating a habit again. Deeper still, I've invited change, challenge, beauty, wonder and simplicity back into my life, and I'm working on not taking everything so personally. I'm working on a new photo project and taking some small steps with my business that I'm excited about, and moving forward with a couple of other things. I also find it fitting that I'm writing this as we've entered a new season! Day 43 feels very good, and I look forward to more days like this and having the knowledge that I can face stress and anxiety without relying on alcohol.
Thank you for reading!
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